Top Five Funniest One Liners

Having not updated this segment in a month, I thought it would be refreshing to make another list with some great movies on it in between my viewings of all the new crap that keeps coming out, without end.

So, here we have my top five funniest one line gags from cinema history. A one liner, technically speaking, is exactly what you would think. A joke that is told in one line.

For obvious reasons, I eliminated films that rely solely on quick hitting one liners. All apologies to Mel Brooks, Airplane, and the Marx Brothers, but you would have just dominated this list.



5. "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."



The Blues Brothers is awesome for many reasons. It has numerous cameo appearances from some of the legends of soul music, an epic car chase, and more attitude than you can shake a stick at. It is also uproariously funny, by far the best of the SNL skit spin off films. The line, while funny in its own right, also sums up the jist of the film and the characters so perfectly, it had to be included on this list.


4. "Duct tape. I need it for... taping something."


The darkest film on the list (barely), American Psycho is also incredibly funny. Patrick Bateman's constant excuses are all worthy of this spot, as is the ATM's classic "feed me a stray cat", but in my opinion Bateman's creme de la creme is the above line. After all the elaborate lies and excuses ("I need to go return some videotapes"), this is the best he can come up with for having duct tape. Pretty sketchy...


3. "These go to eleven."



If you haven't seen This is Spinal Tap, just know it is a mockumentary about a metal band made up of quite possibly the stupidest people on Earth.

Here we see the film's director Rob Reiner, portraying the documentarian Marty DiBergi, as he interviews Christopher Guest, aka Nigel Tufnel, guitarist extraordinaire.




2. "I'll have what she's having."


When Harry Met Sally is widely regarded as one of the best romantic comedies, and this line is from it's signature scene. Meg Ryan's Sally has just accepted Harry (Billy Crystal)'s challenge that she can't fake an orgasm. Funny right? Oh and, they are sitting in a diner. The above line is spoken by an elderly patron, played by director Rob Reiner's mother. Wow, two Reiner references in one blog post, can't say that will ever happen again.


1. "You can't fight in here, this is the war room!"



One of Stanley Kubrick's most under appreciated films, the oft parodied but seldom recognized Dr. Strangelove: Or, How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is one of the funniest movies ever, right up there with Some Like it Hot (let me just say now; "No one's perfect" gets honorable mention). Most side splitting comedies don't come with the tense undercurrents of global nuclear war, so you know this film is special when you laugh at the seemingly ludicrous plot while realizing that it could in fact go down this way.

Featured New Release Poll- 10/1

I know I'm super late getting this poll up, but obviously I have been falling behind in keeping up the blog. Patience, my dear readers.

Coming out this weekend are The Social Network, the amazing true story of the creation of Facebook, Case 39, a super natural horror flick, and Let Me In, a remake of the Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In. Seemingly, the Halloween movie season has officially kicked off.

Winner: You Again

The comedy You Again Won last week's poll, I'll be heading out to see it tonight.

In other news, reviews for the last four or so weeks are still coming, albeit slowly.

Easy A

I saw Easy A on opening night, and was pretty impressed with the turnout. I'd say there were about 6 groups of at least ten young teen girls (what message did THEY get from this film, I wonder?), and a few girls in their twenties who dragged along their boyfriends, myself included.

I will be the first to admit that I didn't walk into the film with the highest expectations. I have little reason to expect anything from a female centered high school comedy because A. these films are not meant for my demographic and B. there hasn't been a good one made since Mean Girls. Well, imagine my surprise when Easy A turned out to be one of the more mature and intelligent films I have seen in a long while.

Granted, it isn't spectacularly funny or introspective, but it sure wasn't boring either. Emma Stone is charismatic as the main character Olive, a girl who sullies her squeaky clean reputation in order to increase her social standing. An interesting study in Shavian class structures and existentialism, or just a simple minded teenage comedy? It could be viewed either way, which can't be said about many other films of this ilk.

(Am I looking too deep into this?... Probably. Moving on.)

Olive accidentally starts a rumor concerning her own sexual prowess. Rather than squelch the rumor, she instead provokes its spreading amongst her peers. In no time she is a well known harlot, who secretly allows the nerds and losers to say they had sex with her in exchange for gift cards and coupons.

Things get complicated when Amanda Bynes' Marianne, an overtly religious promoter of abstinence, takes it upon herself to rid the school of Olive's influence.

Strong casting aids in pulling this film past the line of respectability. Thomas Hayden Church and Lisa Kudrow are the married teacher/counselor team who have problems of their own. Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci are perfect as Olive's trusting and over-sharing parents. And Penn Badgely, who supposedly is from some stupid TV show, turns up as the school mascot/Olive's long time crush, and the only boy in the school who seems to be impervious to the gossip web.

I have to say that I had a tough time understanding Olive's motivation. Social standing is nice, yes, but at what cost? Hopefully someone can explain to me what exactly it is about being popular that outranks being respected.

Even so, I still enjoyed Easy A overall. the most humor came in the scenes between Olive and her parents, but the rest of the film was not lacking in laughs. And the film's depiction of the teenaged gossip mill as it is today was spot on. This is the Ferris Bueller of this generation. Ok, maybe thats going a bit far, but you get the idea.


Attendance: 4/5
Crazy Fan Boy Factor: 0/5
Crowd Response: 4/5

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Production Value: 4/5
Humor: 4/5
Plot: 3/5
Amanda Bynes: Should stay retired; ick



Overall: 7/10

Featured New Release Poll- 9/24

The next poll is up and ready to determine my fate:

First up is Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, the overdue (some would say late but I am feeling nice) sequel to Oliver Stone's eighties tale of greed, materialism, and masculinity. Starring Shia LaBeouf as Gordon Gekko's (Michael Douglas) new protege, look for this one to win the weekend box office, albeit in underwhelming fashion.

Next is You Again, a silly comedy about coming face to face with your high school nemesis years later. A good ensemble with Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver, and Kristin Bell makes this one look like it could be some fun.

Finally is Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (man I had some tough spelling this post, yeesh) From what I heard this is apparently based on a children's book or something. Never heard of it, but I already appreciate this film for supplying me with a cheesy knock-knock joke in the trailer, so it has that going for it.

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Since no one actually VOTED for this movie, the review will be short and sweet.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I haven't seen ANY of the other Resident Evil movies, just played the games.

Basically I went into the theater with very minimal expectations.

So I was not at all surprised when I viewed a ho hum mash up of action and horror movie cliches that was barely worth the price of admission, clocking in at an hour and a half. This is one of those rare movies that could have been better if it were a bit longer, if the dramatic tension played out for longer, a little more exposition here or there, etc.

Resident Evil: Afterlife is a film that is all style and little if any substance.

For those who don't know the back story of Resident Evil, the Umbrella Corporation has unleashed a deadly virus that transforms people into zombies and has wiped out most of civilization.

In the opening act Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her clones storm the evil Umbrella corporation's headquarters en masse. The real Alice stows away on the evil dude (didn't catch his name)'s escape helicopter as the base self destructs. As they fight on the helicopter is crashes, and Alice brushes herself off and gets in a plane and flies away or something. Yeah, I was confused.

The meat of the film is Alice's search for Arcadia, a refuge for survivors of the virus that has devastated the planet.

She meets up with a small group of survivors holed up in an abandoned prison, surrounded by a crowd of infected. This is where the horror elements come into play, and where the movie (briefly) shines.

Unfortunately, the rest is just too bogged down with "action movie coolness". Infinite ammo guns, ninja stars, bullet time... this is all stuff I have seen before in other movies, far too many times. It is not 1999 anymore, it is high time to do away with bullet time.

Some pros include the music score, with was uniformly pretty cool, and the production design, although much of it is CG. The movie looks and sounds very good. Also the acting is decent, nothing Oscar caliber here of course but serviceable for this type of movie.

Cons include most everything story wise, although perhaps I should indeed have watched the first three (...naaah...). The plot and characters are so two dimensional that the whole film feels flat, even if it is in 3D.

Oh and speaking of the 3D, it is nothing revolutionary, and mostly only pops up in the action segments (duh) but it was fairly well done and not headache inducing. Can't say it really added anything to the film however.

On the whole, Resident Evil: Afterlife cannot be faulted too much because it is exactly what fans of the franchise wanted, I'm sure. More action, more violence, more gore. Story and characters are always secondary in these movies.

It is always a shame when you see filmmakers keep churning out the same formulaic stories with different action sequences plugged in, but long as audiences keep paying for it, its hard to blame them.




Attendance: 0/5
Crazy Fan Boy Factor: 0/5
Crowd Response: 0/5

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Production Value: 4/5
Action: 3/5
Plot: 2/5
Reloads: None




Overall: 5/10

Winner: Easy A

Easy A easily won the weekly poll. I saw it tonight so I will have a review coming soon (as soon as I finish those other ones)

Machete

If you are like me and the five other people who went to see Grindhouse in theaters, you will probably agree that the fake trailers were arguably more entertaining than the double feature of Planet Terror and Death Proof. Of all the trailers, the one that was far and away the most memorable to me was Machete. With its awesome tag line ("They f#*#ed with the wrong Mexican") and the casting of Danny Trejo, the trailer was funny and believable. I was not at all surprised when I heard Robert Rodriguez was developing the story into its own feature.

They did a remarkable job in staying true to the original trailer! Same Machete, same bad guy, same Cheech. It is awesome how lots of the stuff they shot for the trailer made it into this film. It is pretty clear Rodriguez was planning on expanding it all along.

The film is exactly what you would expect. Lots of gore, lots of exploding things, lots of hot, mostly naked girls. In short, a very loving homage to the seventies exploitation flicks (If African American entries are "blaxploitation, is Machete "mexploitation"?)

The main difference here from the trailer is the casting of the other main roles. Rodriguez did a superb job rounding up a big name cast including Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, and Lindsay Lohan (I know, I know, but she basically played herself so it worked).

De Niro plays a parody of George W. Bush, a Texas senator who is dead set against illegal immigration, favoring an electric fence and even more radical measures. Ex-Federale Machete is hired to assassinate the senator, but the whole plot falls apart and he must go on the run from the authorities as well as the man who hired him.

Along the way he encounters many luscious ladies, including Alba and Michelle Rodriguez, who operates a Taco truck by the hardware store and might have some ulterior motives.

The whole package of the film is hard to fault. The plot is a one dimensional revenge saga, the gore is over the top, and the serious scenes are intentionally cheesy. It all works on the level of "tribute", and it works well. Don't see this movie if you are in the mood for serious drama. If you are interested in learning fun new ways to rappel down three stories (hint: the human intestine is 60 feet long!), then you need to see this film.



Attendance: 3/5
Crazy Fan Boy Factor: 0/5
Crowd Response: 4/5

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Production Value: 3/5
Humor: 4/5
Action: 4/5
Close up cut-away of something sharp: Its going in someone's face later




Overall: 8/10

Featured New Release Poll- 9/17

After this weekend's slim pickings, it is refreshing to have some uncertainty, as three big releases are coming out in theaters next weekend.

First is Easy A, a teen "sex" comedy with Emma Stone that takes some inspiration from the infamous Scarlet Letter.

Next is The Town a bean town cops n' robbers tale with Ben Ass- I mean Affleck and relative newcomer Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker).

Finally, there is Devil, a scary trip to the elevator shaft of an office building. For some reason the marketers thought it was a good idea to put M. Night Shyamalan's name on this, but since he was only in a producing role maybe it doesn't completely suck.

Bachelor Party vs. It's a Wonderful Life... FIGHT!

In the first of a soon to be onslaught of reviews, we will take a detailed look into two cinematic classics; Frank Capra's whimsical It's a Wonderful Life and the equally charming Bachelor Party.




It's a Wonderful Life, chosen by Emily's dad Ben, is one of those flicks that will never get old. I will watch it every holiday season (including the coming one that is fast approaching) and never get tired of it. It is the true Christmas classic, although as my girlfriend Stephanie pointed out to me, the majority of the movie does not, in fact, occur at Christmas time. Details, details.

Stephanie is fascinating to me for how few seemingly essential (in my opinion) classic films she has been exposed to. Conversely, I'm sure she hates the fact I have not seen, I don't know, The Princess Diaries or something. Anyway I mentioned I had to watch It's a Wonderful Life, to which she replied, naturally, "Oh, I haven't seen that one". I usually would facepalm to someone saying that about the most popular Christmas movie of all time (A Christmas Story being close second), but she is Buddhist so I let it slide. Still, I forced her to sit and watch the film with me :).


I am a sentimental person, so It's a Wonderful Life hits me right at the core. Fortunately, I managed to keep from getting all weepy, a difficult task with this movie. Frank Capra was the master of manipulating emotion, the Robert Zemeckis of the 1940's, if you will. Capra's everyman characters were his trademark, and George Baily, as portrayed by James Stewart, is the pinnacle of everymanly-ness. As mentioned before, most of the film is not Christmasy in the least, but rather an extended flashback of George Bailey's life leading up to a critical Christmas Eve.

I don't really want to dwell on the plot, because A: You have probably seen the movie and B: if you haven't GO WATCH IT, for goodness sakes. It is the Godfather of feel good/Holiday movies!

A few details I notice seeing It's a Wonderful Life now that I didn't before I got all educated and stuff include just how well the story is told; every minor character serves a distinct purpose, every scene is well crafted and tightly put together to tell the story. Also worth mentioning is that Stewart turned in one the best performances in his legendary career.

So Stephanie ended up enjoying it, and I teared up a little at the end, like always. If you want to be reminded that you are rich with more than money, this is the film for you.


Production Value: 4/5
Plot: 5/5
Acting Performances: 5/5
Less Christmasy than: Die Hard

Overall: 10/10



NEXT!



Speaking of legendary careers, how about that Tom Hanks, eh? He's been stranded on an island, stricken with AIDS, ran across the country, stormed the beaches of Normandy... Tom Hanks is everywhere. If Robert Zemeckis is this generation's Frank Capra, you could surely say Hanks is his James Stewart. Of course, the above are all films Mr. Hanks WANTS us to remember. Bachelor Party is not one of those movies. For you see, in the eighties, Tom Hanks was more akin to Rob Schneider.

So does Tom Hanks quality acting + gratuitous nudity = awesome? In this case, no. It does not. Only perhaps because Hanks was not quite up to his future standard, for it wasn't for lack of trying in the nudity department.

Indeed, Bachelor Party delivered on cousin-in-law Eric's promise of full frontal nudity. But not on much else, unfortunately. The characters were largely forgettable, the plot seemed to have been forgotten, and frankly, it is just plain not funny. (The one gag that had a chance was deflated by my fond remembrance of a similar sight gag in the infinitely better Animal House.)

The plot centers around the impending marriage of debutante Debbie to slovenly Rick. Rick's best buds (there were four or five, maybe six, all completely worthless) decide to throw him the bitching-est bachelor party around. Meanwhile, Debbie's ex Cole, a ridiculously cliched country club buffoon, tries to sway Rick from marriage, offering bribes, gifts, and eventually resorting to espionage and even kidnapping the bride to be. Its all quite hackneyed and goofy, but its fine. He has a reason for his actions.

Reason is somewhat lacking in the other subplot, wherein the bridal shower relocates first to a Chippendale bar, then, after a quick costume change to appear as hookers, to the hotel where the grand party is taking place.

Ok, did I miss something? Why is it so important for the ladies to break in on the guys' fun? Did they really think the "costumes" were going to fool anyone? When accosted by the pimp's enforcer Milt, why admit to being prostitutes?

The highlight of the movie, by far, comes at the very end, as Rick chases Cole into a theater showing a 3D movie. The action onscreen is mirrored by the two scuffling, sending the crowd into a frenzy over the "best 3D effects [they've] ever seen". One woman requires a punch in the face before agreeing. A very funny commentary on the idiocy of the 3D gimmick, which comes and goes every thirty years or so (50's, 80's, 10's, look it up).

Bachelor Party serves today mostly as a barometer for how Tom Hanks' career path has progressed. Amazing to think that, had he continued down the same road, he might have been a contemporary of Paulie Shore? Even weirder to think about, perhaps given a few different opportunities, we could have had Adam Sandler starring in Inception. Who knows, but I will tell you this, Hanks has always been Hanks, whether he is solving ancient riddles, chasing criminals with an ugly dog, or watching a donkey show.



Production Value: 2/5
Humor: 2/5
Acting Performances: 2/5
Phases of Tom Hanks: Gross Out Comedy/Rom Com/Drama/Shitty Ron Howard movies

Overall: 4/10

"Winner": Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D

Well, Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D just happened to be the only major release this weekend so it won by default!

Haven't seen any of the other films in the series, but unlike Twilight, I'm not going to bother catching up...

Winner: Machete

Well in the midst of a very busy couple of weeks, Machete won the weekly poll. I will be posting a review on it sometime after I finish the one for Its a Wonderful Life, and for Bachelor Party, and for Takers... methinks I bit off more than I could chew last week...